


kiss the petals in my lungs.

by prettyusagi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Post-Time Skip, Prose Poem, Random & Short, Requited Love, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:21:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27392626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyusagi/pseuds/prettyusagi
Summary: He always loved flowers, but he loved him so much more,And Sakusa Kiyoomi will bedamnedbefore he ever let himself stop loving Miya Atsumu.And in this cursed life,  if the God’s will grant me just one wish,Sakusa Kiyoomi, you are all I will ever desire.#HQAngstWeek Day 5 ✨ Hanahaki AU ✨
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 105
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	kiss the petals in my lungs.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy day 5 of Angst Week 🎉🎉 sorry i havent been participating much, got caught up too much w school hehe but i hope u enjoy reading!

**_SAKUSA KIYOOMI_ **

_He always loved flowers,_

_Roses, daffodils, hyacinths, and sunflowers_

_He always loved flowers, but he also loved him too,_

_So much that numerous petals sprung into his chest._

_And leaves made way into his lungs,_

_And thorns wrapped themselves into his heart,_

_And whenever he looked at his bright grin, flowers bloomed in full colours,_

_And although it was beautiful, the flowers were stained with a distinct hue of red, getting darker and darker with every cough resonating in his body._

_He always loved flowers, but he loved him so much more,_

_And Sakusa Kiyoomi will be **damned** before he ever let himself stop loving Miya Atsumu. _

  
  


_But when it comes to you, I’m greedy,_

_And maybe that was my downfall._

  
  


Miya Atsumu rushes to the hospital, hardly even stopping to the front desk, asking for the room number, however, he pauses once he’s faced with the plain wooden door, heavy breathes fill the air and sterile scents around the building, and he’s _scared._

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

Atsumu slides open the door, only to find Sakusa Kiyoomi laying on the bed, and Atsumu couldn’t help the trembling of his hands. The hospital gown was a _bit_ too big for him, pale fingers sifting through the pages of a book; Long black hair reaching past his chin, framing his delicate face, with the left side tucked behind his ear. Eyes wide open in surprise, and brows turned down in a frown. He looked so _small._

“Omi-kun,” He tries, but he receives no answer.

“Sakusa Kiyoomi,” Miya takes the back of the nearby chair and pushes it next to the bed.

“Why are you here?” Quick, and direct to the point, just like Sakusa’s whole personality. 

“Kiyoomi,” The blonde forces himself to look at the other, it was what he deserved, to be heard, to be seen. The facemask he usually wore was replaced by a ventilator attached to his nose, and multiple wires in his body, one snaked around his arm, another on the back of his left hand. An oximeter connected to the heart monitor beside the bed.

Seeing Sakusa Kiyoomi like this _hurts._

“I had to force Motoya out why you weren’t attending practice, he told me you were confined in a hospital, but even then he wouldn’t tell me _why_.” Atsumu crossed his arms against his chest, and leaned back into the chair.

Kiyoomi remained silent, quietly accepting the rightful fury directed at him. But he needed to know, “Why are you here, Miya?”

“I’m here, _Omi-kun_ , so that I know why my teammate hasn’t been in many matches lately,” Miya looks at him in contempt, “So? What’s the verdict? What’s wrong? You’re lookin’ a little worse for wear,” _~~And I don’t like it~~ _

He opens his mouth to reply but Kiyoomi’s teeth clinks shut as he swallows back the answer.

“What is it? _Tell me_ ,” Atsumu says, leaning in much closer to Kiyoomi’s personal space.

“I-” He starts but, shakes his head in denial, “I don’t know how to say it, I haven’t even processed it properly myself,”

A quiet moment passes, Sakusa debating whether he should answer, and Miya lets him contemplate.

“Miya, I-” he gulps, as if to brace himself, _“Tsumu, I’m dying,”_

And then Miya Atsumu’s world crashes, like tidal waves during a storm, like tall buildings crumbling to the ground, like a tornado wrecking everything it crosses. Miya Atsumu’s life crashed, _violently._

_“What?”_ A breathless voice says, all oxygen knocked out of his lungs, _“Omi-kun, what?”_

“Are you sure? Maybe it was a misdiagnosis? You can’t be, _please_ , there must be some other way,” Atsumu frantically asks him.

“Well, there is,” And because Kiyoomi could never deny the other anything, he answers no matter how much he doesn’t want to, “I have two options, one more ideal than the other, but I don’t think that one will work,” 

“Yeah well then, what’s stopping you?” And because Atsumu is more observant than he gets credit for, he notices Sakusa’s slight twitch.

“I don’t want to do either of them, the good one or the bad one, I don’t want to, the doctors say I’d have to have surgery.”

“Then take the operation!” Atsumu persists, stubbornly. “Any option is better! As long as you live!”

“You don’t get it, Miya! It’s not that easy!” Kiyoomi raises his voice, aware that it isn’t going to do much, as he’s still on a ventilator.

“Literally, _what_ is stopping you?” 

"I have Hanahaki Disease, Miya!" Sakusa finally snaps, yelling out his frustration. “The person I love doesn't love me, and he never will!”

And a rush of silence follows through, deep heavy breaths fill the room, forcing themselves to calm down.

“Who is it? Tell me so I can beat that person some sense,” Atsumu’s frown deepens and his body tenses in barely restrained anger.

_How dare that piece of shit hurt him? Cause him to have this disease?_

~~_Lucky bastard. Whoever you are, be grateful, because the person I love, loves you._ ~~

“Oh?” Sakusa’s hair flops down as he tilts his head to the side, tone sarcastic, “And how are you going to do that?”

And suddenly, all of his earlier displeasure disappears, how could he remain so? Not when Kiyoomi looked _so beautiful,_ he was sick and all skin and bones, but Atsumu always thought Sakusa Kiyoomi was ethereal.

“I’m going to find them and beat them up! Until they realize how much they’re missing out by not being with you!” 

The look Sakusa gives him is so unbelievably _fond._

And for a split second, the blonde haired Miya is transported back to their locker rooms, could almost pretend that bickering and bantering, and just as quickly, it disappeared. 

A cough cuts both of them off, Sakusa’s breath is shaky and the heart monitor stutters a bit. 

“Kiyoomi!” Atsumu attempts to hold out his hand to pat his back, but he hesitates. The other man was always adverse to touch.

His hand hovers, and eventually was closed tightly and retreated back, as his cough subsided.

Once Sakusa seems to have calmed down, and the monitor went back to a slow, and steady pace, he reaches over to a cloth to wipe the petal’s on his fingers and the splattered blood.

Miya wants to say something, _anything._

“Don’t look at me like that,” Sakusa sneers, already irritated.

“Like what?” the blonde Miya tilts his head in confusion 

“Like I’m fragile, I assure you I’m not,” Kiyoomi growls out, but it lacks the usual bite he has.

“Says the man in the hospital bed,” Atsumu bluntly replies.

“Also says the man that’s holding me like I’m a glass doll,” Kiyoomi banters, “Besides, I’ve hit your tosses before, I’ll be fine, loosen up a little,” he chuckles a bit.

Atsumu would’ve never thought the day that their clashing personalities could ever be switched but here they are.

“Kiyoomi, this isn’t a time to joke around,” Atsumu sternly says.

“When did you get serious?” Sakusa teasingly replies.

“Of course I’m serious, I care about you,” He looks at Sakusa with soft eyes and gentle smile, like he’s all he will ever need, and for one moment, Kiyoomi allows himself to have _this,_

  
  


But he knows he can’t have it, and that sparks something out of him.

  
  


“You wouldn't care! Stop saying you care!” Kiyoomi pushed Atsumu away weakly. A frail and thin hand grasping the messy blue shirt.

"But I do! please just tell me who it is, please, I can't lose you," he grabbed his hands, strong yet gentle.

“I can't,” his sight was blurring with tears

"Why not? Please, just tell me," Atsumu begged, tears threatening to stream down his face. _Please say to me who it is, I'll make the hurt go away, I promise._

Miya Atsumu wills himself to ignore the voice begging in his head. _Please let it be me. Why can’t it be me?_

And as Sakusa laid there, with blood, a _vivid_ red, staining the crisp and freshly pressed bedsheets, 

"Because, Miya Atsumu," A thunder was striking in Sakusa's lungs, and the thorns caging in his heart _tightens,_ "Because it’s you, it’s always been you," He heaved out in between laboured breaths. 

"I love you," Sakusa Kiyoomi whispered, looking into Miya Atsumu's onyx eyes, grasping his hand into the shirt Atsumu was wearing.

_What?_

And for just one moment, time stood still, breathless and shaky breaths lingered. Atsumu thought he was for sure dreaming, _because that didn’t just happen right?_

And for just one moment, they savoured being in each other’s tight embrace, Kiyoomi and Atsumu _pretended._

Pretended that they belonged to each other. 

_How foolish of them to even think for one moment to even pretend. How blind could two souls be?_

  
  


The moment was destroyed by Sakusa’s coughing even more violently, even more blood spilling out of his lips.

Atsumu reaches out his palm to rest by Kiyoomi's cheeks, stroking it once, as if to provide comfort, before smashing his lips against Sakusa's, he could only taste metal, but he didn't care, his Omi Omi was suffering and he'll be damned if he let him be in pain anymore.

Both kissed feverishly, hungrily, desperately, they've both danced with each other for so long, so damnit, they were allowed to have this.

Eventually they pulled away, with blood dripping out of the corner of their mouths, and with petals on the floor,

_It was achingly beautiful._

_And Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi wouldn't have it any other way._

  
  


**_MIYA ATSUMU_ **

_And as if you are my moon,_

_Your pale hand reaching out to me and tan fingers trying to catch you,_

_Bright yellow hair fades in comparison to your inky black locks,_

_Full plump lips, pressed into dry cracked ones._

_Curled around in each other’s arms,_

_Here we are who ever we want to be._

_I am your humble knight and you are my crown prince,_

_You are my moon, I am your sun._

_In each other’s arms,_

_We are partners, we are lovers._

_And yet, we were never allowed to have each other,_

_As if the God’s were against us,_

_And if you were to come with me, we’ll never be still,_

_But until the day they bury me six feet deep into the ground, I will love you._

_And as if the God’s were laughing at our expense,_

_I will make the Sun and Moon rise together at the break of dawn._

_And in this cursed life, if the God’s will grant me just one wish,_

**_Sakusa Kiyoomi, you are all I will ever desire._ **

**_extra:_ **

"Do you blame me? Are you angry with me? It's okay if you do," Atsumu says to him after, when all of it sinks in to him.

They're laying side by side in the hospital bed, it's too small for two _tall grown_ men, it's a cramped, but they make it work, they always do.

Sakusa turns to face him, eyes shining in wonder, "Tell me 'Tsumu, how could I?"

"Omi-kun, I've caused you pain, and suffering, and that damned disease," Miya tightens his grip on the other's waist. Burying his face into the crook of Sakusa's neck, in guilt.

Kiyoomi places his hands ontop of Atsumu's fingers, intertwining them.

"And you also love me, and that makes it worth it," 

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING!! 
> 
> sorry that was short 😅 come yell at me at twt @prettyusagi_


End file.
